As Spring dawns there is always an optimism about this time of year as it’s one of renewal and positivity. What better time to review our relationships with others and engage in a charm offensive to achieve our goals.
The art of influencing people…persuasion, if you like, could take pages and pages to write and you’d still have to put it all into practise. So, I’ve focused on the understanding of what it really means to persuade and how to think about going about it.
Generally speaking people don’t set out to be ‘difficult’. Influences such as the behaviours of others, challenging tasks and business issues often make even the most easy -going of individuals challenging to deal with at times. Especially when you really would like to achieve something and you are hitting the proverbial ‘brick wall’.
Many books on Persuasion (and the one by James Borg is a good one) quote Aristotle as one of the earliest supporters of ‘getting people to do something they wouldn’t ordinarily do if you didn’t ask’.
What is consistent is that most of it comes down to:
EMPATHY + SINCERITY = PERSUASION
So what do empathy and sincerity have to do with it?
EMPATHY
When someone has true empathy with someone else they are on their wavelength and truly listening with their heart as well as their head. Many will call it ‘being in rapport’. It’s the ability to identify and understand the other person’s feelings, ideas and situations and it doesn’t mean you have to have experienced them yourself. It’s understanding and really listening to the other person and then assessing what may be coming next in their mind and their conversation.
SINCERITY
Marry that with the conveyance of trust to the other person by showing genuine sincerity that you actually care about their situation and the conversation takes on a different tone. The other person is more open to you and shares more, which in turn allows you to influence and direct the conversation according to your goals.
You may have heard the term ESP. Extra Sensory Perception. It’s really all about Empathy + Sincerity = Persuasion. You may also have heard the phrase ‘ emotional intelligence’ or been told that there is a lack of it in an individual’s approach!
It’s worth bearing in mind that the ability to show both empathy and sincerity will not in their own right unlock the door since people’s attitude also plays a big part.
Here are the things you really need to blend together in order to master your ‘persuasive’ approach:
- Be a good listener
- Be attentive and pay attention – really listen and watch and focus on the person 100%
- Watch your body language – learn to mirror and match to build rapport
- Make relevant notes – don’t rely on your memory to flatter with interest and recall
- Tone, timing and telepathy – the 3 T’s. When conversing listen to their voice, pitch and the words they use and use them back to enhance rapport. Make your move at the right time and not when they are chasing their tails, and anticipate responses.
Most people don’t naturally have the power of persuasion but remember it is an ‘art’ so it can be learnt and should definitely be practised. Be persuaded to grab for those new shoots.
Get in touch to learn more about how to improve your rapport building and persuasive skills.