The art of influencing people…persuasion, if you like, could take pages and pages to write and you’d still have to put it all into practise. So, I’ve focused on the understanding of what it really means to persuade and how to think about going about it.

Generally speaking people don’t set out to be ‘difficult’. Influences such as the behaviours of others, challenging tasks and business issues often make even the most easy -going of individuals challenging to deal with at times. Especially when you really would like to achieve something and you are hitting the proverbial ‘brick wall’.

Many books on Persuasion (and the one by James Borg is a good one) quote Aristotle as one of the earliest supporters of ‘getting people to do something they wouldn’t ordinarily do if you didn’t ask’.

What is consistent is that most of it comes down to:

EMPATHY + SINCERITY = PERSUASION

So what do empathy and sincerity have to do with it?

EMPATHY

When someone has true empathy with someone else they are on their wavelength and truly listening with their heart as well as their head. Many will call it ‘being in rapport’. It’s the ability to identify and understand the other person’s feelings, ideas and situations and it doesn’t mean you have to have experienced them yourself. It’s understanding and really listening to the other person and then assessing what may be coming next in their mind and their conversation.

SINCERITY

Marry that with the conveyance of trust to the other person by showing genuine sincerity that you actually care about their situation and the conversation takes on a different tone. The other person is more open to you and shares more, which in turn allows you to influence and direct the conversation according to your goals.

You may have heard the term ESP. Extra Sensory Perception. It’s really all about Empathy + Sincerity = Persuasion. You may also have heard the phrase ‘ emotional intelligence’ or been told that there is a lack of it in an individual’s approach!

It’s worth bearing in mind that the ability to show both empathy and sincerity will not in their own right unlock the door since people’s attitude also plays a big part.

Here are the things you really need to blend together in order to master your ‘persuasive’ approach:

1. Be a good listener
2. Be attentive and pay attention – really listen and watch and focus on the person 100%
3. Watch your body language – learn to mirror and match to build rapport
4. Make relevant notes – don’t rely on your memory to flatter with interest and recall
5. Tone, timing and telepathy – the 3 T’s. When conversing listen to their voice, pitch and the words they use and use them back to enhance rapport. Make your move at the right time and not when they are chasing their tails, and anticipate responses.

Most people don’t naturally have the power of persuasion but remember it is an ‘art’ so it can be learnt and should definitely be practised.  Be persuaded to grab for those new shoots.

Get in touch to learn more about how to improve your rapport building and persuasive skills.

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I learnt many years ago that you can generally ‘find time’ for things you really want to do, it’s mustering up the will to ‘make time’ that takes the concentration. Never has that been more true than today with the continuous technological advances that seek to steal your time at every turn. TV’s, mobiles, internet… all promise instant access, speed and immediacy and yet they offer too the perfect opportunity to wile away hours of distracted time. Before you know it an hour has passed and you have a dozen tasks started but not finished.

In this age of frenetic activity the state of ‘mindfulness’ – thinking only of now, in the moment, is ever more attractive as we don’t just seek to improve our time management we are looking to manage our time differently. In fact forget time management it’s attention management that we really need. Yes! It’s time to put some control around our distractions.

How much time are we really losing because we didn’t pay attention the first time and are having to revisit things again?!

Resourcefulness can’t happen without a bit of breathing space either. Taking time to think, explore and even just breathe a little more slowly and deeply is certainly a start.

So here’s a great place to begin. Sit down clear your head and give this observation, by the much acclaimed, Eckhart Tolle, some quality time and attention…

“In today’s rush we all think too much, seek too much, want too much and forget about the joy of just Being” Eckhart Tolle

Need some help ‘making time’? Get in touch.

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I listened with interest to Andy Murray’s pre-championship interview. He was discussing how it would feel to be back at Wimbledon and the focus it would take going back on to Centre Court on Monday for the first time since his historic win. His response was “…..well yes, inevitably they’ll be a few nerves, but as soon as I get on the court ……it’s all about ‘trying’ to win”. An interesting choice of words because after all ‘trying to win’ isn’t really good enough is it? It suggests there is an option about winning or not. Mentally shouldn’t we be not just be ‘trying’ to do things well. Shouldn’t we be ‘going’ to do things well, exceptional even. No doubting ourselves, no room for maybes.

Take the England team lining up against Uruguay and Suarez. Who wanted to win that match more? From all the pre-match commentary Suarez was clearly on a mission. He single-mindedly focused on beating England determined to score and to win the match. He didn’t think he’d try and win the match he knew he would. No doubting, no room for perhaps.

How often in our working lives do we use the phrases ‘I’ll try and resolve this’, or ‘I hope to hear from you soon’, or ‘maybe we could do that’……. Try, Hope, Maybe, Perhaps – they are so often used but do they actually inspire you, or the user, to believe success is a given? It has to be all about commitment, focus, intent. In using these phrases are we really mentally planning to succeed or fail?

If you want to know more about how to plan for and achieve success get in touch.

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I listened with interest to Lizzy Yarnauld’s story and her absolute focus in achieving her personal dream as Olympic champion of the Skeleton. Motivated by watching Denise Lewis in the Heptathlon many years before, and having applied to do Modern Pentathlon she excelled instead on ice with little more than a very high tech metal tray. Her skeleton “Merv” is named after Mervyn the generous benefactor who gave Lizzy £176 for a kit bag when she was scraping together to continue her training. It is a story of immense commitment, focus and single mindedness to achieve her dream of Olympic glory supported by an act of kindness and vote of confidence in her ability.

Yet, it isn’t by chance that many before Lizzy in different careers and professions have dared to DREAM.

Martin Luther King Jr. famously said “I have a dream”; Whoopi Goldberg in her 1991 Oscar winning speech said “ever since I was a kid I wanted this”; and Walt Disney the ultimate dream maker said “all our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them”.

Do you dare to dream?

Ultimately it comes down to setting yourself a goal, believing that you can achieve it, and not quitting when things get tough.

The power of positive thinking

Your thoughts are the most important asset you have in your desire to achieve your dreams. They affect you in ways you never thought possible and whether you know it or not, your thoughts are responsible for whatever place or situation you are in right now.

So you want to set out on your own pursuit to achieve your dream?  

Choose to commit to your goal or dream

• It is your vision and yours only.
• Own it and give it strength – visualise having achieved it, sense how it feels to have made it, what are people saying? Smell and taste the success.
• Tell others.  Air your aspiration in public to make it real and to give you the strength to focus on it.

Pursue relentless action aligned to your commitment

• Only the constant pursuit of achieving your goal regardless of setbacks and challenges will allow it to happen.

Expect and have faith that you will get help along the way

• People will want you to succeed. Remember Mervyn. There will always be people to help you on your way.

Show sincere gratitude for the help and results

• Recognise those that have helped you to achieve your dream, as undoubtedly you will not have got there on your own. 

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams – Eleanor Roosevelt.

The final words should be Mervyn’s….. on talking to Lizzy after her Gold Medal victory he said.  

“It’s a dream”…….. “I had absolute faith in her. I just said to her just now, ‘I told you all those years ago that dreams do come true’.”

For help with your goal or dream setting and to learn how to take ownership for your success Get in touch.

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This is a cycle that plays out every year across the globe and is completely counter intuitive to the motivational phrase ‘don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today.’

Why do we all wait until January 1^st to put our resolutions in place and why is it estimated that just 8% of us actually achieve our resolution goals?  Many of us will say we want to be healthy and lose weight and that it’s impossible to do this over Christmas. Others will say it’s a new year and therefore a fresh start to change career plans but is there really a difference between the 31^st December and the 1^st January? Unless you attack your resolution with just that ‘ the resolution to make change’ things will pretty much stay the same. In fact US research suggests that people are at an all time low in January and actually August is the time to think about major changes.

So, as we’re now playing catch up, here’s a couple of ideas to think about BEFORE the 1^st Jan that you can try out to ensure that you are in exactly the right frame of mind to truly make positive change for yourself in 2014.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY – Cause & Effect

How exactly do you live your life?  At ‘cause’ or ‘effect’? It’s important to know the distinction.

If you live at ‘cause’ – an aspirational place to be – you are taking responsibility for what you have or will achieve. You know you have choices open to you in how to react and interact to ensure you stay on track with your plans and aspirations. If things go slightly off track you know that it’s in your power and within your own responsibility to adapt and find a way to get back on track. You’re taking responsibility for your actions and decisions.

If you live at ‘effect’ however, which the majority of people do, you are more likely to find blame and excuses in others and in situations as a means of explaining why something has gone awry or your goals haven’t been achieved.  It’s the opposite of taking personal responsibility and instead momentarily pushes the issues away from you. Do you feel empowered and motivated though? Undoubtedly not.

The easiest way to think of it is if you are at ‘cause’ you are more likely to be saying ‘in spite of ‘x’ I will do ‘y’’ whilst if you are at ‘effect’ you are more likely to be saying ‘because of ‘x’ I couldn’t do ‘y’.

Take responsibility to achieve what you want. To get different results and change how to get there you need to be on the cause side of reason.

Practise identifying this in yourself and how you language situations so that by January you are starting to think and live at ‘cause’. It will certainly allow you to be more resourceful in achieving your goals.

GOAL SETTING

Setting a resolution needs to be like any other goal you set in life. In business we often talk about goals being S.M.A.R.T. ie: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timed.  Try replacing the word ‘achievable’, which is fairly similar to ‘realistic’ with the words ‘as present’. This allows you to apply the goal as if you are already living it. eg: It’s 20th March 2014 and I am 10lbs lighter in weight than I was on Christmas day! It feels stronger doesn’t it?

It’s also important that the goal is yours and completely within your control to own and deliver against.

The main considerations when goal setting are to:

CONCEIVE – you need to conceive the goal and make sure it is achievable and valuable for you to attain. Think about it ‘as present’ and test it’s validity. What positive benefit is it going to add to your life now you have it?

BELIEVE – If you don’t have 100% belief that there is a certainty of achievement try taking smaller increments towards the goal. Remember a small step towards achieving the end result is still a big win.

WILL – Use your will to re-establish belief. This is different from will power as you can use as much will power as possible but if you don’t truly believe the goal is yours you won’t get there.

ACTION – Take action now. Don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today.

…..now where were those mince pies?

For more guidance on setting your personal goals for success…. Get in touch or click here for more information People

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For many years the levels of emotional intelligence that are brought to bear in the success, or otherwise, of leaders has been seen as an important factor in improving business performance, however new scientific neuro analysis indicates that it’s actually the levels of social intelligence a leader has that makes the real difference between mid level leaders and the truly magnetic.  Attuning to others moods actually does affect their own brain chemistry and that of their followers.

So – how are emotional and social intelligence differentiated?

Emotional intelligence. This is all about PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS – self-mastery of emotional interactions crafted to lead to an outstanding individual performance. Best represented by self-motivation, drive and the pursuit of excellence for the individual. Encompassing powerful traits yet not always leading to cultural cohesion towards a united goal.

Social intelligence.  This is the focus leaders place on EVERYONE ELSE being effective – and is best demonstrated through the levels of empathy, motivation, inspiration and best practice. Mood contagion. Developed well and with genuine intent it is far more likely that behaviours and attitudes will be mirrored and adopted by teams and individuals alike.

Taking the inclusive social approach to leadership will undoubtedly significantly nurture and build the culture of the business. We all hear about ‘leading by example’, how about then recruiting the people with the attitudes and social intelligence you require, promoting people with these abilities, and creating personal development plans for individuals to work towards attaining these skills.

There are a number of ways for a leader to increase social intelligence levels and these include:

• BE HONEST – asking yourself – do you care? Are you motivated enough to want to change your attitudes and approach to truly build rapport across the business?
• GET FEEDBACK – If the answer is yes, then you’ll need to get feedback from others – real feedback that allows for candid response and you’ll need to be sure you’re going to take action on the responses. You’re not the expert on yourself in terms of social intelligence even if you think you are!
• TAKE ACTION – Make a learning agreement with yourself to change and then seek help with how to do it.

Here’s a very simple example in the praise of fun and laughter. It’s evidenced that great leaders are three times more likely to laugh and smile in a day than mediocre ones. This alone instills a convivial environment that relaxes the individuals, incites team building in of itself and allows for a positive and productive working environment. Smiling can actually be serious stuff!

Want to be a brilliant leader? Get in touch today to develop your social intelligence skills for an improved business performance.

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I had an interesting discussion about ‘luck’ the other day…. Do we make our own? Is the thinking associated with ‘being lucky’ such that the positivity and ‘can do’ attitude it instils by it’s own nature the driver for us to be ‘more lucky’ when one approaches everything with that mind set?

I certainly believe we all have it within our power to create our own luck. It’s about taking real action to control your life and being aware of opportunities, accepting that you are totally responsible for yourself and what happens to you, learning from every experience, and appreciating that you can positively affect change.

Here’s Rob White’s take on it (Rob is a self help author, storyteller and motivational coach)

Here are five tips for making your life a lucky one:

1. Be unreasonable in your thinking. What, be unreasonable? Yes. Toss away your old “book of reasons” about why life isn’t working out as you hoped. This means seeing yourself differently, rather than looking at life in your usual way. Orville and Wilbur Wright were unreasonable when they decided to invent a heavier-than-air flying machine. Everyone laughed at their attempts to fly, but you have your frequent-flyer miles today because of these two lucky brothers. History is filled with great ideas that we initially scoffed at because they were unreasonable. Don’t buy into that thinking!

2. Look for the opportunity in adversity. You make your own luck when you look at adversity as a source of opportunity. In this world of polarity — of complementary opposites — life cannot hand you a negative moment without a positive lesson hidden deep inside. This isn’t to say that you should be in denial when negative moments happen. Denial isn’t bliss! But when you can look beyond the negative and see the positive, that’s the beginning of a lucky moment.

3. Turn whining into winning. When you catch yourself whining, it’s time to make a U-turn. Whining about an aspect of your life moves you to the world of “WOE” (“What on Earth”), where you see the world as largely working against you. The opposite of WOE is “WOW” (“Wonderfully Obsessed with Winning”), a world in which whining is out of the range of human hearing. When you’re Wonderfully Obsessed with Winning, luck happens because you’re motivated to take the necessary steps to succeed. Think about the old maxim, “A winner never quits, and a quitter never wins.” How about this paraphrased version: “A winner never whines and a whiner never wins!”

4. Become a luck magnet. When you think and act in optimistic and receptive ways, you attract lady luck into your life. You’re looking at your future with an attitude of WOW, which alerts you to the many opportunities that are always right there in front of you. If you think of yourself as a winner, you become a winner. Again, it’s not about waving a magic a wand and becoming the CEO of a global enterprise or the virtuoso you’ve always wanted to be. Both entail hard work and talent. But they also entail adopting the mindset of a winner. People who succeed think of themselves as winners long before they achieve their goals. That mindset is a critical element of luck!

5. Pay attention to your intuition. When you have a hunch, pause and listen to your inner voice. Intuition is keyed into aspects of the world that are off-limits to your rational mind. Often, intuition tells the rational mind where to look next for answers. You have to leave the security of your comfort zone and feel safe in the wilderness of your intuitive self. The odds are that it will guide you to a lucky circumstance.

Want to take control of your life now and create your own luck today? Get in touch.

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Bernard Marr – best selling author, was commentating on the value of ‘making mistakes’ and seeing these as a positive step in the work place and in life rather than placing a negative connotation to them.

In saying this, we’re not advocating the silly, careless mistakes that are an indication of a lack of attention or application. We mean the carefully considered actions that for whatever reason just don’t come off as planned.

In making mistakes they invariably represent the fact that you are truly pushing the boundaries, taking new decisions and actions as you pursue your goals. The key is not to make the same mistake twice and to take the learning from the experience it brings.

The best leaders allow their people the autonomy and freedom to push beyond their comfort zones, and to challenge their thinking with the security that it’s ok to make a few mistakes along the way. This thinking removes the ‘blame culture’ and allows individuals to take responsibility for their actions.

It’s only by truly taking responsibility for oneself being at the ‘cause’ of every action and decision and not looking for the reasons why it was someone else’s fault that you then have the freedom to learn and grow, and to achieve your dreams.

Get in touch today to learn how we can help you to achieve your successes.

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